Smell

It smelled like toast at work today. Apparently someone microwaved a cookie.

When the Jews Were Around

"That reminds me of when the Jews were around."

You're probably wondering what that means. That's understandable. Unfortunately, I do not have the answer. The sentence thoroughly baffles me.

Perhaps I should start from the beginning. Today I was at an art exhibit. The theme was "corporate art," meaning that all of the works were submitted by people in some sort of office job. Most of the art was submitted by Caterpillar employees since the world headquarters for the company was just a few block away from the gallery. Much of the art was very good. The best, in my opinion, was a large, highly detailed landscape painting of a field and trees in the late afternoon, with the sun shining through all of the leaves and branches (selling for $20,000). My favorite, though, was a photograph of a man who must have been at least sixty years old smiling at the camera suspended in a mid-jump state, arms and legs flailing. It was hilarious.

But there was another piece that caught the particular attention of a woman standing next to me. It was an oil painting of four Russian soldiers walking with their backs facing the viewer in a snowy backdrop. I thought it was a really good painting as I stood and looked at it. But the painting apparently sparked a different insight in the woman standing next to me.

"That reminds me of when the Jews were around," she remarked.

I turned and looked at her, expecting her to explain. She didn't. She merely said, "Doesn't it?"

Now, I was confused. Think about the sentence. There are two glaring details wrong with it. First of all, as far as I know, Jewish people do, in fact, exist. Second, what would Russians have to do with them "being around"? The most confusing part of it was that the woman seemed perfectly intelligent. She spoke articulately. She seemed well aware of her surroundings. This is what threw me off the most. This caused me to assume I had overlooked some major historical event and should have known precisely what she was talking about. Immediately my thoughts led me to the Holocaust. Perhaps she meant to say, "That reminds me of when the Jews were being unfairly persecuted." The problem with that is that the Russians did a great deal to defeat the Nazis, and succeeded. Also, I just don't know how anyone could accidentally claim something reminded them of when a certain ethnic group "was around" without correcting themselves. She seemed very sure of what she said. She really must think that Jewish people actually aren't "around" anymore. But, AGH! What does that MEAN? And WHY would Russians remind her of that? What do they have to do with it? WHAT DID THIS WOMAN TRY TO SAY TO ME? I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT! I WANT TO ELABORATE ON WHAT SHE COULD HAVE MEANT, BUT IT'S TOO FRUSTRATING!

I stood there for a moment looking at her. I had no idea what to say. There were so many questions, so many thoughts.

I simply replied, "Yeah, it does," and quickly walked away.

Pengrilla

I stumbled upon a blog I made a little over a year ago on October 9, 2006. Apparently there were only two days in which I did any writing in it, and shortly thereafter I completely forgot it existed. But I remember it now! If only I had remembered it the day I decided to make this blog. I could have saved myself some trouble. I already had a blog.

The blog was called Pengrilla. The title is explained in the first post.

I've already put over fifty posts into this blog, so I'll continue all my writing in here as opposed to making a few posts in the long lost one.

It's a shame, though. The Pengrilla was an interesting concept. I wish I had kept up with it.

Take a look if you'd like to read the five posts I made. One of the posts was a story about a grizzly bear which I later rewrote for a short English assignment. Months later, when I made this blog, I posted that English paper because I liked it, completely forgetting that it originally came from a blog that I no longer had any idea ever existed.

My mind is a strange one.

MAH!

In the thirty minutes I could have spent on homework, I made this for some reason.

(I don't get it either. But... MAH!)

I am a retard.

I put my Hot Pocket in its microwave pouch upside down.

Now what the hell am I supposed to do with THAT?

Lists

1. I've been
2. making
3. a lot
4. of lists
5. recently.

Completely Useless Tutorial #1

This is the "things you don't need to be told how to do" series. We're kicking it off with How to Answer a Phone.

1. Acknowledge the presence of a ringing sensation in your ears.
2. Stand up.
3. Walk in the direction of the ringing, making sure to stop and turn when necessary, especially if your house contains walls.
   
4. Come to a complete stop when within reach of telephone.
5. Extend arm of preference. (Only one arm is necessary.)
6. Release finger muscles.
7. Place hand on top of telephone.
8. Tighten finger muscles until further tightening is prevented by the solid mass of the telephone.
9. Maintaining tightened finger muscles, maneuver arm muscles so as to place said telephone next to ear of preference. (The top set of holes goes against your ear. The bottom set of holes goes somewhere near your lips.)
10. Open mouth.
11. Allow your vocal cords to form the necessary local greeting. (Suggested greetings: "Hello," "Bonjour," "Guten tag," "Hola," "My feet hurt," "Mes pieds blessés," "Meine Füße verletzt," or "Mis pies lastimados."
12. Proceed with conversation.
13. Reverse steps 1-12 upon moment of conversational conclusion.
14. Consider Tough Actin' Tinactin as a temporary comfort for previously mentioned foot pain.
15. I don't even know why your feet hurt. This is about telephones.
    
16. Step sixteen is completely useless, and step seventeen isn't even really a step.
17. 
    

I hope you found my tutorial helpful!

Thoughts on cinnamon rolls...

Here's a complete list of all the reasons cinnamon rolls are awesome:

• They taste like cinnamon rolls.

Done.

Ima go get me some.

Surprisingly Delicious

Have you ever had pickled garlic? Because you should really try it.

Thoughts on Music: Why I'm Right and You're Wrong: A Series of Musical Opinions and Extensive Colon Usage: Part Three

In the past I may have mentioned that I would make a music review post once a week--an idea at which I now chuckle. You see, in my youthful ignorance I failed to realize that I am, in fact, quite lazy. Never again will I promise a regular posting schedule for anything. From now on, any series I plan to continue will be strictly "eventual." I apologize for any shattered hopes and/or dreams.

Now, do allow me to present to you a fantastically talented band by the name of...

Cloud Cult

First of all, at this point I should really give some credit to Steve from The Sneeze. I didn't mention this in the Steve Burns (no relation) review, but it was a post in The Sneeze that led me to the former Blue's Clues host's music. Additionally, Steve is a friend and fan of the band Cloud Cult, and supports them vehemently in his blog. I decided to listen to some of their music, whereupon I discovered the reason for his vehemency.

They're amazing.

Craig Minowa, Dan Greenwood, Sarah Young, Matthew Freed, Connie Minowa, and Scott West make up the creative and ingenious group that is Cloud Cult. Their musical duties according to the band's official bio are the following:

• Dan Greenwood (Drums/Vocals)
• Matthew Freed (Bass/Keys)
• Connie Minowa (Visual Artist)
• Craig Minowa (Singer/Songwriter/Guitar/Keys)
• Sarah Young (Cello/Vocals)
• Scott West (Visual Artist/Trumpet)

You may be intrigued by "visual artist." You are rightfully interested, as the meaning is quite fascinating. During shows, onstage will be one or two people performing live painting. That is to say an artist with a canvas can be seen painting along with the music. The effect is very original and adds some extra flavor to their live performances.

This band is another example of incredible talent not known to me until this year. I first listened to their newest release, The Meaning of 8, about a month ago. It's a truly fantastic album. One of the clearest signs that it's a great album is that I can't choose a favorite song. I'm thoroughly infatuated with every track, and each song has its own unique style. Incidentally, this actually makes it very difficult to classify their genre.

I immediately fell in love with Cloud Cult's music when I stumbled upon The Meaning of 8, but the truth is that this recent album is just the tip of the iceberg. Cloud Cult has been around in various forms for over ten years, their first release being in 1998. In this time they've come out with a total of seven albums.

The Shade Project (1998)

Who Killed Puck? (2000)

They Live on the Sun (2003)

Aurora Borealis (2004)

Lost Songs from the Lost Years (2004)

Advice from the Happy Hippopotamus (2005)

The Meaning of 8 (2007)


The lyrics of each album contain underlying tones of philosophical musings, most commonly the conflict between man and mortality and the struggle to find meaning in humanity's existence. The main lyricist and founder of the band, Craig Minowa, expounds his frustration, wonder, and awe of the universe in his beautifully written and often very complex lyrics and music.

In fact, Craig's history with the band is a long and somewhat complicated story. I think the account of his struggles/success with Cloud Cult deserves to be left in its entirety, and it can be read at their official website.

I can tell you one thing. The only difficult part about writing this short review was choosing the sample song. I urge you--no, I beg you--to listen to the entirety of The Meaning of 8. Please. Every song is wonderfully written, and each one is marvelously unparalleled. If you don't buy it, at least listen to the album. You will thank me. In the meantime, here's a track called "Take Your Medicine." (It's from The Meaning of 8, if you didn't guess.)



[EDIT: The file won't work properly, so it had to be deleted. It's a good song though. Go listen to it.]

You really dropped the ball on this one.

Shame on you, all of you, for not pointing out that for at least two months the title above my music playlist read "Four Your Listening Pleasure."

Do you honestly think I meant "The Square Root of Sixteen Your Listening Pleasure" or "Two Multiplied by Two Your Listening Pleasure"?

I can't stand typos. You need to point out my typos if I don't catch them, otherwise they might be there forever. (But don't expect me not to quickly fix it and then arrogantly deny it ever existed.)

Anyway, the title is now correct, no thanks to you.